i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
