I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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