Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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