Porn is love you can see.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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