hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you still have your period?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
