An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
