dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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