you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
