3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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