i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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