It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
