Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
