Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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