Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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