My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The Olympian is in my bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
