I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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