How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
