high people should be assigned attendants
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
