you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
