What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
