Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize