I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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