Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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