let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
