When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
