My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
