Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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