My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize