he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
