drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
