What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my poor anus
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize