Porn is love you can see.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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