also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
