if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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