his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
