Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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