You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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