recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
