I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
