The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
