so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We got so high we made milksteak
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
