I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
