What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
