I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
