I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
