who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You made out with two different species that night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize