so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
