.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
false alarm, still single
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
