What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
