i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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