I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
