I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
