Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
