tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
