highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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