Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize