so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
