went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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