dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
