You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
