I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
