i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
