so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
