Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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