I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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