She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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