i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it glows. i had to have it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize