I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
