you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
