If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
