My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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