What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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