There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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