he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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