There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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