In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
