i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
