you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
