I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
