I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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