Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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