Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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