dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
