he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
