he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
