What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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