quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize